Quote of the Day – 28 August 2017: I.R.En. – Sandra Coroian
I was getting more and more confused and i could feel Hami's presence more rattles me out. What's going on with me? What's going on with her? I looked for a few moments at the gun that lay inert in my hands, while a macabre thought pierced my mind.
– I want you to kill me.
Hami looked at me shocked, eyes wet. What was I really asking? Why was I asking him to do that? Is there really no other way out of this mess? Is everything that's trivial enough? Why did I expect Jason to show up any minute and get me out of this awful place? Maybe the other one I played his part so well, he didn't even realize it wasn't me anymore. Oh, Jason! We're numbers. Only an infinite combination of numbers, which in turn is reprogrammed indefinitely. We lie to ourselves every day that we are free, that we live in a cleaner world, where crime has decreased, where diseases, even the worst, are treated in a fraction of a second, where we can measure our body's energy levels, pulse and more. We lie that we are happy, but we don't really know what happiness means, and although we are such an evolved species, we are primitive. Hami, the person who disappeared a few years ago, who stopped existing in systems or archives, now stands in front of me, not remembering his own person, just fragments, glimpses of what was once. Jason, my partner who saw the world so differently, precisely because of her, driven by her desire to find her, has no idea that she was hiding right here, under our noses. I would have contacted him, told him… We would have enjoyed success together. That is, if I hadn't been stuck here. [Daikim], the code that prohibits taking a life, even if it's your own life. A code I respected because I was compelled to respect it. What about now? What can stop me now? Jami's image is starting to get lost, becoming more transparent.
– Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I tried to tell her like that stopped her. What about what I asked you to do?
– I'm sorry, Cehel. There's no way I can help you what you're asking, you can do it yourself.
– But I don't think the system's going to let me.
I was trying to find a logical answer for my hesitation.
– Do you think the system still cares about you now? Why do you think you're here?
– That's impossible.
– You always say that. I don't have time here anymore.
– What are you talking about? Where are you going? Take me too! I told her, desperate.
– You can't come with me. I don't know where I'm going either. May Elohim give you the answers you need.
– Elohim, what's going on?
But Hami couldn't answer me, because he suddenly disappeared before my eyes. Hami, what are you doing here?
– Hami, what are you doing here? I yelled, but… Nothing.
She left me alone in the space without exit, with invisible walls, impossible to penetrate.
Only I could do what I asked Hami to do. Only I can break the code[Daikim]. I look at my gun again and feel the sweat enveloping my forehead and my spine. My instinct for survival was constantly stopping me from taking my life, looking for any other way out of the desolate place Where I am. Survival instinct would try anything before resigning and letting me do what I wanted. I picked up the gun and tried to penetrate the invisible walls. Nothing. The bullets fell as soon as they hit the wall, without even leaving a scratch. I took a deep breath, then analyzed the charger. One bullet. Is that a sign? I closed my eyes. Cold, metallic pipe left a bitter taste in my mouth and gave me a strong feeling of nausea. All I had to do was pull the trigger and I'll be free. I once read that after you die, the brain still realizes what's going on around a few minutes. What if you crush him? If you scatter it by interrupting nerve connections, is the same thing happening? I was analyzing too much.
Press, Cehel, that's all you can do now.
I felt my mouth dry, my tongue hardened and my lips astoo. Analyzes! I gave the order, but nothing's going on. Analyzes! I insisted, but I didn't get any information. My eyes were opening so hard, as if i had been hanging some iron weights of eyelids. Light. The bright light was blinding me, causing me an unbearable headache. Where did this light come from? Did Jason find me and take me to recovery? Struggling to look through my eyelashes, I saw my hands trapped in ivs. I jerked them hard, blinking continuously to adjust my sight. My eyeballs were deepening into my orbits; it was as if I had never used them before. I was trying so hard to get up, but something was holding me back. It wasn't numbness. I gathered all my forces so I could get up, and all of a sudden, I felt something was breaking out of me. Something was ripping out of my spine. I repressed my scream and, with one last jerk, I collapsed to the floor. My legs were completely numb, and my tears began to flow on my cheeks.
Where did we get to? Did the management catch me and now they're doing tests on me? What the hell is this?
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